'Active Listening' is a term to which describes a skill that proves to be the most effective form of listening. Although listening is commonly considered as a passive skill, 'active listening' requires effort to build and develop it. The psychologist Gerald Egan describes some common factors that get in the way of 'active listening'. These are important factors to consider so as not to impede your connection with the person you are in conversation with.
FACTORS THAT IMPEDE LISTENING & LEARNING (a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) concept)
External Factors - For example, noise, physical discomfort, interruption, mobile phones etc.
Response Rehearsal - This occurs when you switch off from listening to the other person, often through impatience, and instead focus on what you want to say next. As a result you don't actually hear what the other person is saying.
Fact Finding - This occurs when you search for the facts and details of what someone is saying, instead of listening to the overall message they are trying to communicate. Fact finders often focus on what's 'not right' - they're so focused on the imperfections of what someone is communicating that they actually miss what's important.
Being Judgmental - When you form judgments about the other person as supposed to listening to them and seeking to understand them.
Problem Solving - This occurs when you try to problem solve and find solutions to the other person's problems instead of listening to what they're actually saying. You become so distracted by your own thoughts that you miss the core message of what they're trying to say.
Imposing Personal View - Considering your own view point to be the only correct one and therefore being closed to the views of others. This often takes the form of focusing on your own opinions, giving advice etc., as supposed to listening to the core message that the other person is trying to express.
1) Which of these factors that impede listening and learning do you recognize in your own life?
2) Can you give any examples of times in the past where you recognize that any of these factors have negatively affected your listening or learning?
3) What changes can you make today to prevent these factors from negatively impacting your future communications with others (and also ensure that you get the most from the teaching as you work your way through this exercise)?
~ Kain Ramsay (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Speaker)
The below listed adjectives are used to reference when you feel out of sorts, not quite sure what it is that you feel.
The below contents of this page are by the Center for Nonviolent Communication
Website: www.cnvc.org
FACTORS THAT IMPEDE LISTENING & LEARNING (a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) concept)
External Factors - For example, noise, physical discomfort, interruption, mobile phones etc.
Response Rehearsal - This occurs when you switch off from listening to the other person, often through impatience, and instead focus on what you want to say next. As a result you don't actually hear what the other person is saying.
Fact Finding - This occurs when you search for the facts and details of what someone is saying, instead of listening to the overall message they are trying to communicate. Fact finders often focus on what's 'not right' - they're so focused on the imperfections of what someone is communicating that they actually miss what's important.
Being Judgmental - When you form judgments about the other person as supposed to listening to them and seeking to understand them.
Problem Solving - This occurs when you try to problem solve and find solutions to the other person's problems instead of listening to what they're actually saying. You become so distracted by your own thoughts that you miss the core message of what they're trying to say.
Imposing Personal View - Considering your own view point to be the only correct one and therefore being closed to the views of others. This often takes the form of focusing on your own opinions, giving advice etc., as supposed to listening to the core message that the other person is trying to express.
1) Which of these factors that impede listening and learning do you recognize in your own life?
2) Can you give any examples of times in the past where you recognize that any of these factors have negatively affected your listening or learning?
3) What changes can you make today to prevent these factors from negatively impacting your future communications with others (and also ensure that you get the most from the teaching as you work your way through this exercise)?
~ Kain Ramsay (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Speaker)
The below listed adjectives are used to reference when you feel out of sorts, not quite sure what it is that you feel.
The below contents of this page are by the Center for Nonviolent Communication
Website: www.cnvc.org
Feelings when your needs are met:
AFFECTIONATE compassionate friendly loving open hearted sympathetic tender warm ENGAGED absorbed alert curious engrossed enchanted entranced fascinated interested intrigued involved spellbound stimulated HOPEFUL expectant encouraged optimistic CONFIDENT empowered open proud safe secure EXCITED amazed animated ardent aroused astonished dazzled eager energetic enthusiastic giddy invigorated lively passionate surprised vibrant GRATEFUL appreciative moved thankful touched INSPIRED amazed awed wonder JOYFUL amused delighted glad happy jubilant pleased tickled EXHILARATED blissful ecstatic elated enthralled exuberant radiant rapturous thrilled PEACEFUL calm clear headed comfortable centered content equanimous fulfilled mellow quiet relaxed relieved satisfied serene still tranquil trusting REFRESHED enlivened rejuvenated renewed rested restored revived |
Feelings when your needs are not satisfied:
AFRAID apprehensive dread foreboding frightened mistrustful panicked petrified scared suspicious terrified wary worried ANNOYED aggravated dismayed disgruntled displeased exasperated frustrated impatient irritated irked ANGRY enraged furious incensed indignant irate livid outraged resentful AVERSION animosity appalled contempt disgusted dislike hate horrified hostile repulsed CONFUSED ambivalent baffled bewildered dazed hesitant lost mystified perplexed puzzled torn DISCONNECTED alienated aloof apathetic bored cold detached distant distracted indifferent numb removed uninterested withdrawn DISQUIET agitated alarmed discombobulated disconcerted disturbed perturbed rattled restless shocked startled surprised troubled turbulent turmoil uncomfortable uneasy unnerved unsettled upset EMBARRASSED ashamed chagrined flustered guilty mortified self-conscious FATIGUE beat burnt out depleted exhausted lethargic listless sleepy tired weary worn out PAIN agony anguished bereaved devastated grief heartbroken hurt lonely miserable regretful remorseful SAD depressed dejected despair despondent disappointed discouraged disheartened forlorn gloomy heavy hearted hopeless melancholy unhappy wretched TENSE anxious cranky distressed distraught edgy fidgety frazzled irritable jittery nervous overwhelmed restless stressed out VULNERABLE fragile guarded helpless insecure leery reserved sensitive shaky YEARNING envious jealous longing nostalgic pining wistful |